American Apparel wants you to throw away the stuff you bought from them a few years ago and buy their new stuff to look like 90’s virginal (but in reality a slutty coke head) Calvin Klein model.

Did you ever walk into AA and feel like the employees are showering you with disapproving looks from under their 80’s faux optic glasses, hiding their smirk under the porn mustache, when all you really want is to buy a few fair trade basics and get the hell out of there?

Well … this is your lucky day! Gawker got their hands on the complete ‘New Standards’ dress code manual for their employees. It’s 19 pages and in it pearls of wisdom like “No eyeliner, No ‘Cat eye’ effect” , “Mustaches must be kept neatly trimmed” and “Sideburns must not be longer than mid ear length or wider than one inch”. And when it comes to personal hygiene, “Showered daily” and “Light fragrance can be worn by girls only”. Amen to that.

Visit Gawker for the full guide.